Freedom to Marry

On February 12, 2012, I had the opportunity to join a veritable who's who of GLBT rights supporters on the dais at Freedom to Love/Freedom to Marry - an event organized by First UU Church.  With the possible exception of some ad-libbing I may have done, the following are my remarks.

"I began my work as a pastor as a tender young thing in 1990, and since then have officiated at many, many, many Holy Unions, commitment ceremonies, "gay weddings" - call them what you will.  I've also officiated a handful of legal Holy Matrimonies" for straight couples.  I've done two commitment ceremonies for straight couples who chose not to legally marry for various reasons, but wanted to have a public celebration of their commitment to one another.  I've also officiated one legal "gay wedding" - and I had to go to CA to do it! 

The daughter of my 22 year partnership with Stephanie Miller (not the liberal radio talk show host) lives in Oakland with her partner of 12 years.  In 2008, as they realized that Prop 8 might just pass at the polls after all, they called and asked if I could buy a web cam and do their wedding by Skype before election day the next week.  Once I determined that it was actually legal for me to marry them under CA law, I told them to forget the web cam, I was buying a plane ticket!

One of the favorite passages that people choose to include in the ceremonies is an offering from an old Episcopal Wedding Rite that says: "the union of two people in heart, body and mind, is intended by God for their mutual joy, for the help and comfort given in prosperity and adversity, and, sometimes, for the raising up of children in the knowledge of love."

A marriage license from any of our great 50 states does not ensure such a union - just ask Kim Kardashian.  And when a union like this is formed between two people, no license issued by the state is necessary.

In reality, people get married for all sorts of reasons, many of them less meaningful to my way of thinking that what I believe God intends.  Whatever the reasons for joining together, and regardless of whether any couple wants to affirm a spiritual significance in their relationship, the Declaration of Independence of this great nation says very clearly (though is sexist and a bit archaic language):  "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness,  -That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,   - That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

The laws of this nation that keep couples above the age of consent from experiencing the mutual joy of committed relationship and the help and comfort given in times of prosperity and adversity may be changed in order to secure the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Those of us who believe in marriage equality don't want to do away with the institution of marriage - we just want to open it up to all Americans, who are supposed to be considered equal in the eyes of the law anyway.

I pray that before my career as a pastor is over, I will be able to say that I have performed many, many commitment ceremonies and many, many legal marriage for straight, gay, lesbian and transgender couples and that I'll be able to officiate them all right here in Ohio."

During the reception after the event, I was told that for a minute there, people thought I was going to try to incite a revolution.  I don't think we need a revolution, except maybe a revolution in the hearts and minds of enough Americans - both lawmakers and their constituents - to alter the laws in each state to ensure marriage equality.  The attempts to repeal DOMA in our nation's captial give me hope that just such an interpersonal revolution is being stirred up!